Monday, July 18, 2005

Senior Citizens- the pain in society's ass

Before I continue writing, I would like all to know that I am not a direct supporter of mass murder, or any form of murder closely resembling genocide, having said that, I hate old people. I would like you to try and recall the last time you went driving, and were almost run off the road by a senior citizen who should be considered legally blind, and who has as much trouble operating a microwave oven, let alone a 3 ton automobile. Lets face it, when an 80 year old woman with alzheimer's and a urinary tract infection gets behind the wheel of her 3 ton 60's Cadillac, and when she's in a rush to catch the night owl dinner special at 4 in the afternoon at her favorite senior restaurant, when she has to rush to get to a bathroom because her bladder is the size of a walnut, that woman can easily be considered one of the most dangerous people you're likely to find anywhere, on par with a suicide bomber or crazed student made suicidal by years of hilarious bullying.

Seniors do nothing to help our society, all they do is consume and complain to the young hard working men and women who run this country. They smell, they're not pleasant to look at, and the prospect of encroaching death tends to make them somewhat insane. Sure there are those who disagree, saying that they've provided the free world we live in today, but they also embody many of the outdated and restricting ideas that modern day society has deemed to be pointless and often, offensive. When was the last time you met an enlightened senior? Never. Also, some backwards, misinformed minds would claim seniors to be wise and valuable to society's pool of knowledge. However, who discovers this information? The modern day youth educated in an enlightened classroom. And once that information is made known to all, the senior has become useless weight that our society cannot afford to carry if progress is expected. Therefore I shall propose 2 very easy solutions that I hope we can soon adopt.

Concentration Camps. This plan is the easier and more productive of the two. However, it would involve a large number of concentration camps where seniors would work until they die, doing the mundane and tiresome busywork, so that you won't have to. Then upon death, they would be put into some sort of massive blender or chopping device that would liquefy their bodies, harnessing the little nutrients their bodies hold. This soup of old people would then be used to feed and fatten animals such as cows, chicken, pigs, and all the other tasty animals that feed us everyday.
If this solution seems too drastic or cruel, then I offer one other solution.

A Separate State for Seniors. My second plan, calls for a separate nation specifically created for the occupation of senior citizens. I propose that the United States use its military ability to lead the way in creating this state, by completely emptying a country such as Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan through nuclear annihilation. This country would then be filled with the seniors that hinder the ambitious countries all over the world. Here they can live out their lives in the radioactive deserts of one of these middle-eastern nations.

After reading this, I'm sure you are thinking:"But what will happen to me when I get old?". But then I must ask you, what is more important? Comfortable twilight years? Or a progressive and successful nation that you helped build in your sacrifice? In my opinion, one becomes a true senior at the age of 75, or once they begin to exhibit the truly degenerative symptoms of old age. In addition, with the tremendous advancements in technology seen everyday, old age symptoms will be pushed farther and farther back as the human lifespan is prolonged by new medicines. I hope you have enjoyed these solutions, and deeply consider them for the near future as we lead the crusade on ridding the world of one of its biggest problems today: cantankerous geezers pushing our society backwards. If you'd like to support this part of the revolution, e-mail me at thefainting.goat@gmail.com. Say goodbye to your grandparents and get ready for the liquidation.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home