Thursday, September 08, 2005

Why stabbing people is really awesome

Short post today because I hate you guys and hope that you are very sad all the time until eternity and such.

Why Stabbing People is Really Awesome:

People suck. Sometimes you see someone that you just hate because their "pudding to towel" ratio is close to like 4 to 5 and that is completely unnacceptable. You restrain yourself because you are a small girl who braids her own hair and is afraid of the "consequences." The following is a list of reasons to stab that person if they annoy you in the slightest.

1. It's fun. When you gut that person with your gutting knife you get all smile-y and have real awesome time for the next 2.4546453454453454455323 hours. This may not seem like a long time, but in your gutting-induced state, this seems close to 2.4546453454453454455329 hours!!! Also, it's the best thing in the world because you are allowed to chew as much gum as you want, the laws of physics relating to gum-chewability don't apply to you for this period of time.

2. Precious Eye Juices. We've all heard of special vitamins and crap you get from things like fish and eating solid gold with cheese, but you might not have known the medical benifits of drinking Eye Juices. These juices cause your feet to grow 6 sizes instantly, providing better balance and exploding shoes that turn into a thousand lemons already prepped for juicing.

3. Eating their knowledge. Everyone knows about how when you eat a book, you gain all knowledge in that book. You probably also heard the MYTH about eating someone's brain and gaining their knowledge. The truth is that while memories are stored in the brain, knowledge is stored in the deep innards, otherwise knows as instestines and bone marrow. It's pretty hard to eat these, but if you do, you can gain all of their knowledge as well as the knowledge of the last person they ate.

4. I like racecars. When I get really rich, I'm gunna buy a racecar body and put it right on top of a toyota corolla body so it looks like i'm driving a racecar.

5. Wigs. You can easily skin someone's head and turn it into a wig either for puppies who need extra fur, or for yourself. But you have to put it on right away with the blood and juices still on it or the hair will fall off. Also, you won't be able to ever get it off and it will look really crappy.

6. Your knife is probably sad. Objects, mostly sharp and pointy ones, have feelings. When you don't use that object, their soul escapes and goes on a vission quest until they see their buffalo ancestor holding the stick of regret. They must follow his commands in simple (X , O , triangle, square) format. If you stab people enough, your knife will never be forced to go on this quests and it will kill witht twice or possibly even thrice the power of 6 normal knives. When using a knife that hasn't been used in a while, it only has twice the power of 1/2 of a normal knife.

7. Lastly, one of my many goons says, "right when u gut someone if u let all their guts fall on ur head forming some sort of freaky hat that slowly engulf ur whole body and form a gut caccoon when u emerge u will be the thing from the fantastic four except at least 4 times better and with much stronger guts and gutting capabilities."

I'm gunna stab you GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS V GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS GUTS VGUTS GUT

3 Comments:

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude, this shit is funny as hell. Like easy-flow elbow funny... Please continue writing.

-Bruce Willis

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